I'm the best at being me.

I have lived in 5 vastly different places in my life- North Carolina, Guam,  Waco, Texas, Mexico, and Africa.  The time spent in these places vary from 1 month to 16 years.

Memories from these places get filed and then sometimes I let them loose. I take each file and throw it up in the space of my mind for all of them to be mixed and jumbled and let my mind melt in the details and re-sort everything. In this time of re-sorting I try to remember the smell of my grandma's hair, my first bike that I rode in circles over and over again, the pig on the wheel, my reaction to the word "yonder", eating at Gospel Cafe with the homeless, looking around the room and seeing so many colors of people, Pumzele teaching me my first Sutu word. I try to remember any and every characteristic of those people I will never let myself forget.

Sometimes I  feel like I'm living a double life. There is the me that goes to college, works in the library, goes out to eat and dresses up for events with friends, and enjoys a life of choices. Then there is the me who is a missionary for Christ, lives out a backpack, plays in the dirt with the materially poor kids, constantly thinks about the injustices in the world, and loves a basic life. I have tried to smush the two together, but it doesn't fit...and I honestly don't think I want them to. 

I love to let my mind wonder around the thoughts of those people, those great adventures, those irreplaceable experiences. Then when I think, "Finally, I have went on the adventure and met wonderful people, now it's time to be content where I am at." that's when things start to become muddled. I start to process every taste, smell, and exhilarating moment that has happened in that past 21 years. After a while, it no longer makes sense to stay, but only to go. Every new place, person, or whatever chips away the life I thought was going to be mind-the life I planned for myself. 

When I go, I am free. This is how I make sense of my life, not by going to college for a degree and then living a mediocre lifestyle, but by investing time and love into these people I re-sort my mind for. I will only be content doing this. Why? Because this is how God made me.